Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize