Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
