your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
