So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
