OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
