part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
