you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
