Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
