i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
