Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
