Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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