I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You can't special order awesome
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
