Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
