I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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