I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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