I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
