I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
