clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize