She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
