His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
