a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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