In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
