I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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