That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
