Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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