you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
