Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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