I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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