Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize