maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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