a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
