i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
