You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
