I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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