Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
