How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize