You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
