evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
