alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize