Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
