I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
