my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
