yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
