I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
