I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
