So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
