D3 body, D1 cock
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
