READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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