Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize