So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
