the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
