Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
