1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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