Non-Jews are for practice
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
