so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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