she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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