Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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