We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
