I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i believe in u and ur pee
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
