everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
