the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize