Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
