this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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