i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize