I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
