My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
