I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize