I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
