You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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