sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
