Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
