i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
