Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I am naked and annoyed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
