sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
