I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
