Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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