...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
