Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
