Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
