then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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