My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
