I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
