I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize