I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
