i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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