i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
