wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
