Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
