So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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