My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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