sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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