I can't breathe out the right side of my face
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
