i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
