I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
