I smell stomach acid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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