You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize