we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
