someone threw a dead crab at me
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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